Thursday, August 25, 2011

How to Fight With Your Wife

Strange title, yes?

Husbands, we all need to know how to lead through the inevitable conflicts that occur with our wives.  Please note that I'm putting the responsibility on YOU to lead through it.

I'm not a professional marriage counselor.  I'm not a perfect husband.  I do write with some experience of what you should NOT do when disagreements come with your precious wife.  But instead of writing what NOT to do, let me keep you focused on what you should do.

1. Recognize that you are all-too frequently a selfish ass.  Chances are very good that you are the one being self-centered, pig-headed, and wrong.  Remind yourself that sins like pride will take you farther than you wanted to go, to places you didn't want to be, and cost you more than you wanted to spend.

2. Assume that your wife is operating with the best of intentions.  There is no reason to interpret her words and actions assuming she's aiming to sabotage your happiness, or make you less manly.

3. Put your relationship ahead of being "right" about an issue.  In a trillion years, will this issue matter?  (The relationship will.  A trillion years is well-short of eternity, brother.)

4. You have two ears and one mouth.  Listen and speak in that proportion.  Work hard at understanding her perspective.

5. Avoid making it personal.  If you hear yourself say, "When you don't..." you're probably steering into a deeper ditch.  There is no "formula" here, but you lead best when you work together to address problems and make decisions about issues.

If this resonates with you, then I encourage you to read the excellent book Love and Respect.   

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