Ten Things You Never Hear In Church

#1 - Hey! It's my turn to sit down front!
#2 - I was so into your message that I didn't notice it went 25 minutes too long!
#3 - Personally, I find witnessing more enjoyable than golf.
#4 - I have thought about it and decided to give our church the $500 per month that I have been sending the TV evangelists
#5 - I volunteer to be a permanent worker with middle school students!
#6 - Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our staff so they can live like we do.
#7 - I LOVE IT when we sing songs that we've never sang before.
#8 - Since we're all here, let's begin the service early.
#9 - Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in Hawaii...
#10 - I LOVE IT when you preach on giving!