Being Smart

We can be really, really dumb as husbands. We forget that our marriage relationship is more important than being right about goofy stuff. Todd "the FamilyMan" Wilson writes eloquently about this in his latest newsletter. (I left the subscription information intact.)

"Hey Dad,
How are things at your house? Life is pretty good at the Wilson’s. The snow has melted, the kids are healthy, and my wife and I are doing great…but that wasn’t the case a couple of weeks ago.
Marriage is like that. One week everything is fine; the next week you are on the downward hill of the roller coaster of life screaming your lungs out.
Yep, that was two weeks ago. Let me preface (I like that word) that by saying it was my fault. I could have easily disarmed the situation by being understanding, sympathetic, and reassuring. Instead, I dug in my heals and said, “I’m not gonna budge. I’m right, and you’re wrong...and that’s just the way it is.”
Not the recipe for a successful marriage.
The whole thing started because my wife didn’t feel like she was number one in my life. She thought I cared more about “the issue” than her. I, of course, told her that was ridiculous and rattled off about a dozen reasons why she was wrong, none of which convinced her.
We couldn’t resolve it...actually, I WOULDN’T resolve it.
For several days (read 1 week), we existed together with no warmth, no gentle words...just cold facts, snide remarks, and behind-the-back whispers. I hated it but was unwilling to resolve it.
Then, the unthinkable happened...she softened, threw her arms around me, and melted me like butter. That night we talked, and it was over. Later, as she slept, I lay awake feeling like a big dummy, ashamed that she had resolved it when it should have been me.
I am ‘da dad. That’s what I tell you every week and that’s what I believe. But this time I blew it. I wasted a whole week (and then some) because I refused to deal with it.
Now you can say what you like about whose responsibility it is to resolve marital disputes...but the truth is: it’s yours and mine.
So, let me ask you, Dad, how are things with your wife? Maybe you’re plunging down the hill of the roller coaster of life. If you are, learn from my mistake, and be the one to resolve it. Tonight, when everything is quiet, ask your wife what she feels. Let her talk, and don’t defend yourself. Apologize if necessary, but do whatever it takes to make her feel like she’s number one in your life.
Remember, you can learn a lot from this dummy.

You ‘da dad!
Todd

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